7
For most
of his eleven years, Bealz had been taught that he was nothing
special. In this, he was just like all the other kids he knew or
knew of in his neighborhood, which made up the entirety of his world
and helped to shape his own opinions on the matter.
Ms. Penny
let him know that he wasn't special. The older, meaner foster kids
who shuffled endlessly through the apartment, they let him know with
words and fists and feet that he wasn't special. The teachers at
school, the cops around where he lived, the foreigners who owned all
of the essential businesses on his block, the news announcers who
droned on ceaselessly in the background while Ms. Penny cleaned; they
all let Bealz know that he was nothing special.
His
mother, though, she had always told him otherwise. She told him that
he was special. It was nice to hear. And he really wanted to
believe her.
Just like
most all kids, though, at least where he was from, he too had had to
learn the truth soon enough. There was nothing so special about
helping her, his mom, doped to the gills on psychotropics, get into
bed. Or knowing to check on Ms. Penny's younger brother, Tony-Tone,
when she was at bingo to make sure he didn't pass out with the needle
stuck in his arm and get blood all over the sofa again.
He also
knew that the art of pacing himself to stay up on a school night to
watch a puking, pooping baby who's name he didn't even know while the
grown folks celebrated drunkenly in the next room, was not all that
special either.
Bealz had
necessarily learned to become proficient at such things. Changing
diapers soon after no longer having to wear diapers is commonplace
enough on the Southside. At least it was for the likes of Bealz and
thousands more just like him, crammed into similar spaces, living
with similar circumstances.
Now,
though, he was thinking that maybe his normal, outside of the
commonplace for an eleven year old foster kid, had been quite
different.
It was
always easy enough to chalk his quirkiness, his penchant for staring
into empty spaces, answering unasked questions, or marveling stupidly
at the beautifully colored auras which lingered around some people's
heads, to an overactive imagination. Or maybe just expected because
of his mother's tainted, crazy-ass blood.
But all
of that stuff had seemed real to Bealz. And most importantly, not
really that big of a deal.
Like the
time in the alley a couple buildings down from Ms. Penny's. He'd
come upon a dead body. An old bag lady who'd maybe been out in the
cold too long.
She had
obviously been dead for sometime when she spoke to him. Sang to him,
really. A sad song. A lament for a cherished, yet difficult life.
She sang his name, except it was something that he could not quite
understand, and called him 'young lord'. She thanked him for
listening to her song and said goodbye.
He could
see a mist, like a wispy breath in the cold morning air, steam up and
out of her body.
Considering
this now, Bealz wonders at how he'd just accepted it for what it was,
didn't think that it was so unusual. Or even the least bit scary. He
had just listened politely because he thought that's what he should
have done.
Of course
he kept stuff like this to himself, lest he be subjected to another
couple of rounds of therapy meant to convince him of his imaginative
brilliance and how it was a perfectly normal escape and sadly, likely
an understandable reaction to life in such a traumatic environment.
How none
of it was real. How it really wasn't anything so special.
Now,
holding his mother's hand as she leads him hesitantly towards the
edge of the clearing at the base of the hill where they'd arrived in
the Incata, they stroll through the shin-high flowers that covered
the valley floor and Bealz marvels at just how easily it is to adjust
to a new reality. Especially since it had been peeking out at him
the whole time. Showing itself through the cracks.
Looking
up at his mother, he can't help but wonder at just how right she had
been. They were in a whole different world and Bealz thought that it
was pretty damn special.
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